Anyway, about the missed blog Monday…it was a holiday. I’m sure you’d agree that if your ONLY blog day fell on a holiday, you’d skip it too. It’s not like I completely neglected to write.

OK, so my HOT news of the week is that I bought a strapless bra. For those of you who don’t know, that’s one big ass pair that is going to attempt to be held up completely free of straps. Is there such an invention that can hold up 10lbs of breasts? IS THERE? I hope it’s true! I hope it FITS! I ordered it online from HerRoom. I have ordered from there before but the bra did not fit. It had nothing to do with the website, it was the brand, Va Bien. The shape was wrong for me as it was too pointy, and the size was two sizes too small. I learned my lesson and that is “when it doubt order a size up” when it comes to bras. I underestimate the size of the girls sometimes. LOL Wish me luck this time!

Saturday Joe and I went back and forth between Huntington Beach and Long Beach, helping his sister move. I can’t say it was FUN, but it wasn’t bad. Personally I hate the work that comes with moving. I’d rather hire movers and call it a day. Let THEM move my stuff. I have no problem packing and unpacking, but the moving part basically blows. I hate to say it but I am more of the “Put that side table in the bedroom next to the bed” kinda girl. Nothing wrong with that, right? I’m not asking for someone to pack for me, or unpack my things while I direct them where to put each item or anything. It is less of a laziness than a preference. I have moved 6 times in the past 5 years. That is a LOT of moving. A LOT. Not to mention that one of those moves was very temporary and I had to put everything in storage and take it back out a month later. I am over moving. I’d like the next time I move to be more permanent. Much more permanent.

Moving on, though, Sunday was a nice relaxing day as it always is on weekends that I’m at Joe’s house. Oh, and did I mention that I’m going to be at Joe’s until Friday? Yep. So far, so good. Although I woke up with a mild headache that morphed into a medium-strength migraine that lasted until 3pm, I still managed to get a lot of things done today. I have done countless loads of laundry. I washed the sheets, the comforter, towels, Joe’s work clothes, Joe’s daily clothes (and some of mine), and I still have one load to do and everything that can be washed in the laundry will be clean. I did the dishes, cleaned the shower, cleaned the kitchen sink and dusted some of the livingroom. I also took a nap. I am not sure how it is that when nobody is around to nag and annoy me, that I can get all sorts of productive things done in such a short amount of time. I love it. I just wish it worked that way at home. I am at ease here. My anxiety is basically non-existent here. I am pretty sure that the root of my anxiety is my home life. hehe It is chaotic. I am not. I like order, no, I LOVE order. I love things to be done easily. There isn’t much reason for them not to be. I like to say I’m going to do something one day and actually have the time, ability and sanity to do it. That is what I did here today. I am really happy about it, at peace with life.

So now that all my “chores” are almost done for today, I get a call from Joe and he is at Walmart. I talked to him at lunch and was under the impression that he was going to come get me but he decided not to. Normally, this would be fine but unless I know exactly what I need, it is easier for me to just be there. I told him I would go tomorrow instead but he is going to come get me instead. I need deodorant and food for lunches, and dusting spray and window cleaner. There is always the possibility that there are more things I need and I just don’t know it yet. If you’re a girl or you’re close with any girls, then you know what I’m talking about here. hehe If not, well…the best way to explain it is this. Imagine you’re bored. You go to your local store with cheap things to “just look around” you come home $50+ poorer. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Retail therapy or shopping addiction? I say shopping addiction so that I’m not tempted to trivialize it much or let it get out of hand. I try to only buy things I actually need or will need soon such as toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner, food, shirts (I have under 15 shirts that fit me. 3 of those shirts have tiny holes in them, thus justifying a few shirt purchases from time to time) and things for my daughter.

Well I suppose I’ll go wait for Joe now… and clean more tomorrow. Oh! There he is!

So this is just a quick blog because I have a few bored minutes and I really need to do the laundry I planned to do yesterday but couldn’t.. Here a pic of the Summer me… not much different from the other seasons of me, but I changed out most of the makeup in my travel makeup bag so here it is. It’s much fresher, I think.

Since I’m on a roll with the shoes, the pink polish and I’m in the middle of re-packing my makeup bag because I’m getting sort of sick of what’s in there, I was thinking of how much my hair has grown since this time last year. In April I cut my hair into a cute barely shoulder grazing bob and in June 2009 it was just at my shoulders. This month, it is well below my shoulders, in fact, it’s an inch or two below my shoulders in a standard (not low or high) ponytail. My goal is to eventually have waist-length hair, but if it doesn’t look full and healthy, I will keep it a bit shorter. Short term, I would like to grow my hair to the bottom of my bra strap, or mid-back length. I was looking through some pics and found these, all of which I love for different reasons that I share below each pic. I still regret cutting my hair last year. I know I can’t do anything about it now, but it was as long as it is now, which means I would have mid-back length hair NOW had I not cut it. Oh well… next year, right? lol

I haven’t gained any weight. I have lost a few (five) pounds but I FEEL like I have gained even though I haven’t. The thought that even though I want to workout, I can’t do so, really gets to me. I hate not having control over myself, my life, my fitness level and other aspects of my current situation. If I weren’t me, I’d tell me to just get over it and be strong and deal with it, but I am being a huge pessimist instead. The desire to have my life the way I want it is so strong it’s unbearable that I can’t just have it my way. Call me a control freak, I don’t care. I like things to go my way. Who doesn’t? Name me one person who lives to have their life controlled by others and I will let you call me a liar, but I can’t think of any self-respecting person who doesn’t wish their life to be how they imagine it.

My solution to the inability to do most exercises is to limit my diet. I have been eating smaller portions and I’m gradually cutting out meat. Cutting out meat is more for that healthy feeling than weight loss, but it will probably contribute to a certain amount of weight loss just because the fat content in my diet will be lower. I feel healthiest, most energetic and all-over better when I don’t eat meat. Actually, I was telling Joe how when I was Vegan, I felt the best. I felt the most healthy I’ve felt in my life, I have also felt less “heavy”. By heavy I am referring more to the feel of my body than my actual weight but I WAS 40 lbs. lighter then, too.

I know exactly where my weight gain is from. It’s from all the delicious meals I ate when I lived in Orange County. I was probably trying to eat away the relationship I was so unhappy in but let’s just say it was that weight you gain when you get comfortable in a relationship. I don’t really buy that though. It’s also from years of drinking every weekend. I don’t do that now. I’d like to change my current drink of choice to something healthier, too. Joe and I currently drink Cuervo and some sort of cola. I’d like to switch to Gin & Tonics or at least something with less sugar. But back to weight gain… it’s also from Applebee’s. Screw you, you local temptation. It’s not that they have especially awesome food but who can deny a 2 for $20? I mean, honestly, it’s cheap as hell, right? They’re problem is that there is only one “healthy” option in that deal, and then you add an appetizer, and sometimes an irresistible dessert? It’s calorie city. It’s like I’m BEGGING to be fat. I know exactly what I’m doing to myself but I’m defenseless against it somehow.

I’d almost rather just not eat than have that full feeling, and it doesn’t help that I am not leading an active lifestyle here. Especially during the summer, it’s difficult to go out and do things when it’s 100°+ outside. A determined person would walk outside to the pool, lookin’ all fat, and say “F it, I’m gonna just swim” but I can’t even get THAT far. I need motivation. I can’t place it but it’s just not in my mind to put on an ill-fitting swim top (38G, remember?) and go swimming alone…or with my daughter who wants to spend every second splashing me. The entire idea just gives me a nice fat anxiety attack. Fat. hehe

Trying to think of ways to “con” myself into doing things that I CAN physically do that I will be able to do once I have surgery (read other than swimming), I think to myself “What do I LOVE, or even LIKE to do?” I love to go to Disneyland from open to close and just walk around, go on rides, and be distracted by the entire experience. I love that so much, I’d do it 2 or 3 times a week. In fact, I used to and I was 30 lbs thinner then, too. The other thing I love to do? Write, browse the web all day, sleep, cook, work. Do you see my roadblock here? Yeah. No wonder I’m not 5’6″ 120 (not that I WANT to be… cuz it’s all about the curves). I  am content at 5’6″ 140-160. That is where I look best. Keep in mind that I hold about 10 lbs up top if ya know what I mean. hehe

SO, I’m starting off today with some cereal. Next time I grocery shop, I hope to buy some healthier options. Maybe I’ll manage to get in some exercise…maybe I’ll run on the treadmill at Joe’s, who knows (yeah, yeah, I’m a poet). In the meantime, I’m watching one my all-time favorite shows, The Twilight Zone. Time for breffies!

Last weekend was relaxing as anticipated. I have to get one thing out of the way before I say more, the last half of Sunday was NOT fun for various reasons I am not going to go into. SO… Friday I had a tasty dinner, hung out with Joe and Matt and drank some Cuervo Black and RC Cola. That was a really good combo, delicious! I could do that every Friday… fun stuff! Saturday we did a whole lot of maxin’, relaxin’, catchin’ up on enjoying the weekend. We hung out with a different Matt for a while and saw his new house. I didn’t want to go because I was all relaxed and settled but I’m glad I did. It’s always nice to get out of the house. I love doing that. Sunday was a Sunday. We went to Joe’s mom’s so he could get paid, then out to lunch and back home. Later I had to go pick up Maya who was the worst-behaved person EVAR. She tends to be that way when she gets spoiled at her dad’s house. It takes every bone in my body to even allow her to see him. It is really not good for her and it’s even worse that we have to deal with the monster she becomes. She is noticeably worse when my mom is around. Go figure.

So here is Monday, I had every intention of being productive but have not been able to. I am really annoyed at this entire situation as you know… too bad I can’t work on my phone. Here’s hoping this week improves. hehe