There Is Just One Thing

22 05 2009

You might be wondering what the one thing is that I am referring to in the title of this blog, but I won’t say. I just like to do that to people.

Tonight has been somewhat depressing for a number of reasons. I was just think and talking to people about what I hate right now and it made me think… From thinking, I really just began to feel kinda sad I guess. There are a lot of things I miss about the past sometimes. Not necessarily things I want back, per se, but things I just miss for the sake of memories and remembering what fun I used to have, people I used to love and have in my life as friends, etc. I guess once in a while it’s good to reflect upon that. It is my fault that things aren’t the way I liked them but it’s also my “fault” that they are how I DO like them. There are a LOT of things I DON’T miss, and a lot of things I love about how my life is now. In fact, the good now outweighs the bad, and it used to not.

I used to pretend to be so fucking happy with things, and I wasn’t all the time. I had it made, but it wasn’t made the way I wanted it. That is big… HUGE. It’s really important to me that I realized the difference between what people consider happy as a standard, and what you personally feel makes you happy. I am really glad I took that knowledge away from the past, and losing friends, and people in my life who I cared so much about. I feel that now that I have that knowledge, I can not miss them as much. I think of them as stepping stones toward a more happy me, and I can be appreciative of that.

Sometimes I look back and think “I miss [this & that]” whatever it be… either something about someone, people in general, good times we had, things we did, etc and then I can say “but… I really like [enter activity here] with so-and-so more” Also, being able to find new friends has also allowed me to have a group of friends that aren’t just there cuz we grew up together… I still have some of those friends and I love them to death but it’s good to have new friends who do things I like, like go dancing, or make fun of walmart while we are IN walmart. I appreciate people more when we identify with eachother more. I like to sit around and talk to people for hours on end, or hang out and do pretty much nothing, and I used to do that with old friends but for some reason I like it better with my new friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to act like I hate those old friends of mine, I don’t. I just think we don’t “match” anymore. They want to stay 21, and I want to do things that people my age do. There is nothing wrong with that, but we aren’t the same. I have a kid, they have gf’s who want kids but stick around waiting… for what? I can’t respect that. Move on to someone who will give you what you want. Love isn’t just about being with someone you love. It’s also about being with someone you love who wants the same life you want. NOT being with my ex has helped me to realize that I don’t want to waste years and years not getting what I want. I don’t want to waste anyone else’s time not giving them what THEY want, either. I hope that I’m happy, instead. And I sincerely hope that he is too. I’m sorry sometimes that we can’t be cool, but ya know… it happens. I am sure we both learned a lot from each other. 🙂

So, in conclusion… I don’t know wtf I want, except to be happy. Is there really anything more important? I guess there really IS just one thing…




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