It’s all over, all over my face…

26 06 2009

I can have whatever I want, I’m THAT girl, everything I want bad enough, I go for and get. That’s just been my luck. The problem with this is not that I EXPECT to always get what I want, the problem is that what I really want is always something I shouldn’t go for. The reason I shoot for the “bad” is because I am self-loathing in a way, or actually I think it’s just that I’ve never had anything thrown at me, I have had to work for everything I have for the most part. This has given me a sense of “if I don’t work for it, I don’t even WANT it”. I’m not even sure what put me on this rant in the first place, but I was just thinking about it, and everything I have is something I wanted to have in one way or another. My car, makeup, even friends & men… All of these are things and people I have bothered to put forth effort to keep. If there is something I DON’T have it’s likely that I got rid of it if I had it, or never worked to get it cuz it wasn’t fun enough to conquer the goal. I wish some better things were more fun to obtain sometimes but basically I like a challenge. I have always known this but never really admit it before. For example, if a man just loves me, I don’t really care, but if he loves me and still plays hard to get from time to time, I’m in love. I am pretty sure that the second you stop having to work for love, you will be like “meh…mission acocmplished”. You don’t play the same video game over and over after you’ve completed all the levels, do you? No. There needs to be a challenge, a hint that there is something good waiting around the corner or something.

Alright well I’m pretty sure you get the point. Every so often I feel the need to be thankful for the people I have in my life and today I am especially so. 10 years ago today my best friend’s cousin passed away in her sleep, she left her two sons, and a whole family in her wake. I can’t believe it’s been so long. Thankfully her two sons had a great supporting family to care for them through that. I hope that if I were to die, my family would take such great care to make sure Maya grew up to be a respectable human being as well. 🙂

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