Stress, Anxiety, and the Making Up of Minds

12 04 2010

How many times have I opened with “It’s Monday again!”?  I don’t know, but I want to today.  It seems as though blogging on Monday takes away from the fact that another entire week needs to pass by before the weekend is here.  Yes, maybe every day is like a weekend day for me, but it really is not.  If everyone I knew didn’t work, I’d really love it though.  Anyway, on to the big fish.

Stress.  Since I fell and quite idiotically and intensely injured my left elbow, I have been dealing with an unimaginable amount of stress.  From the $5,000.00 in hospital bills, to the need for physical therapy to hopefully manage and correct the nerve damage and someday be able to straighten my left arm again, to dealing with Maya’s dad, child support issues, modifications, health insurance issues for both of us, general pre-existing and currently untreated anxiety, and now I hear through the grapevine that Maya’s dad is going to try to switch weekend days on me AGAIN.  I am not going to agree to it.  
We just switched in March, and he just said to me the week before Easter that he would NOT switch anymore, so I’m going to make him figure out how to get her from now on.  He is court ordered to have her on the current schedule, and I have already re-arranged mine & Maya’s lives as well as the lives of the people around me directly affected by this schedule to fit to his new plan.  It is really no concern of mine that it’s no longer “convenient” for him to have her on Fridays, and frankly it is only 2 weeks out of the month.  I’m sure he can arrange something to make it happen and keep up his end of the bargain.  As it is, I am travelling farther to meet up with him so that his arrangement can be met, so it’s more inconvenient to me to have to switch anything around just a month later.  
I would normally just switch the weekend days, but as of late, I am under so much stress that it’s really starting to affect my anxiety.  I am short with people because I have no tolerance for them, I have little patience for people where I normally have TONS of patience, I am easily irritated by small things, and I am noticing that I’m more and more tired.  Also, my normal fear of people’s driving combined with all of this is really fricken annoying, not only to myself, but I’m CERTAIN Joe basically hates having me in his car.  
That brings me to this…money.  I have a limited amount most of the time, and I spend what I DO have on my phone bill, gas, and Maya.  I have neglected to buy myself any new pants in the past 8 months or so, and I’m down to one completely worn out/in pair of jeans that are too big for me now.  There are things wrong with my car that keep me from driving long distance (alignment, etc) that I can’t afford to fix.  That alone frustrates me because I’d love to just fix up and sell this car and get something with more seats.  My car is a 2-seater and I love it but it is insufficient.  Whenever I go somewhere, it has to be just Maya and I, or myself and one other person and not Maya.  I’d really love it if I could drive and Maya and Joe could come along.  That alone would cut my anxiety out almost completely.  For some reason, driving doesn’t affect my anxiety because I’m in control.  Maybe it’s not even anxiety, maybe it’s just OCD or something.  I was diagnosed with panic disorder/anxiety a few years back though and that’s what I have always assumed it was.  I’m not a germophobe but I do have my share of strange “things” I do.  hehe Don’t we ALL though? 
Alright well on my agenda today is to find the contact information for the orthopedist I need to see about my arm and make an appointment so I should go do that now… wish me luck!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: